Mommy Diaries - Worrying

I don't spend enough time with him because I work full time.
I'm not reading to him enough.

He doesn't eat enough.

I don't have enough patience with him.

Should he be spelling his name, saying his ABC's and counting to 20 by now?

We should play outside more...even though it's the middle of winter.
He should be potty trained by now.
How do I get him to STOP...throwing, hitting, screaming?

The list goes on and ON...

And for a moment I think that I am the only mommy that worries like this...that I am the only mommy that makes these mistakes every day...I'm the only mommy that feels this guilt.

When I look back at the things I used to worry about when he was a small infant, how I would watch him breath in his sleep every night. Then the things I worried about as he started to walk and explore, and the things I worry about now that he is growing in to his own little person...I realize as a mommy your worries never really go away...they just change and adjust as your child grows. 

I finally let little G go to Chuck E. Cheese and ride on the cars at the mall (such a breading ground for sickness), even though I have my disinfectant wipes very handy!

I finally let him walk down the stairs with out standing a few steps in front of him. 

I finally let him go down the BIG slide at the park by himself.

He's growing up...and so am I. 

I realize I CAN'T do it all...but I will certainly try my best!  And sometimes the laundry won't get done and the beds definitely won't get made, I'll show up late to work with a stain on my shirt, and we won't have a home cooked meal EVERY night of the week...but that stuff doesn't matter. 

I'm sure I'll NEVER stop worrying but sometimes I have to stop myself in the craziness of every day life...and realize what is really important.  We are happy and healthy. 

And when I look at my son, who will just turned 2, and he smiles back at me...and says "mommy come...play trucks"...I get down on the ground and we make truck sounds and giggle like there nothing else in the world that needs to get done!  I remember that moments like these are what's important, these are the moments HE will remember, and that this is what being a mommy is all about!

~Kara

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Wordless Wednesday- Painting

Mommy Diaries - Sleeping

When I was pregnant there was a list of things I said I would NEVER do as a parent or let my kids do...but then the child is actually born and EVERYTHING changes.  I guess they are pre-mommy fantasies, and I admit I had quite a few of them.  We all read the countless baby books...and I was determined to follow them.  But in the moment you do what's right for you and your baby, not necessarily what works for everyone else. 

I said I would never use pacifiers, but the day little G was born he was rolled in to my room sucking away on one...of course I took it out of his mouth...only to give in and put it back when he screamed for the next hour!  But in that moment...happy baby, happy mommy, happy world...we had a LOT of those moments!  He stopped sucking a pacifier in October.

Another thing I said I would never do...let our child sleep in our bed!  We did the co-sleeper bassinet at first and when he was almost 3 months old we moved him to his crib where he slept pretty much through the night.  That was until about this time last year.  He came down with a bad virus that included fevers of 104 to 106 degrees for about 5 days and two trips to the ER.  During this time the doctors told us to keep a close eye on him because he wasn't really eating or drinking.  So...we brought him in our bed...and of course he never wanted to leave.  And when they are little and sick, who can resist that cute little baby cuddled up to you in the middle of the night?

But our cute little baby was now a thrashing, kicking, and head bonking toddler and after one two many nights of being kicked in the face and sleeping on the last 3 inches of the king sized bed that are left for us to sleep on....we were ready to put him back in his own bed.  And we tried to put him back in his crib, but we never stuck to it, giving up when he cried out in the middle of the night.  We were sleep deprived...I mean we need our sleep too, right?  We thought maybe he just hated his crib.  He would stand in there and scream...I mean scream so much nothing comes out, hold his breath, and pass out....SCREAM!  So a few months ago we converted his crib into a toddler bed in hopes that the "NEW" bed would encourage him to sleep in his own room.  Well instead, it just allowed him to walk back into our room at his own will.  There have been many nights where one of us curled into a ball and laid in his bed next to him...or on the floor.  But now we are just tired and defeated...by 23 month old.

We decided we would both like to have some alone time and sleep in peace.  Did I mention he stays up till about 11pm most night too?!  It was time to create boundaries and STICK to them!

We started on Saturday night.  We put him in his pack-n-play in his room, after all he naps in a pack-n-play everyday.  And so far so good...every night has gotten a little easier...for him and us!  Last night we were sitting on his bed reading books and he said "sleep in daddy's bed" and I said no buddy you have to sleep in your room and he said "I sleep here mommy" and pointed to his toddler bed.  And that's where he slept, ALL NIGHT LONG!

We are taking it day by day and our next goal is to gradually move his bedtime earlier.  We bribe reward him with fruit snacks every morning.  I know we only got our (almost) 2 year old to sleep in his room, but it my little part of the world, that is HUGE! Happy baby, happy mommy and daddy, happy world!